Lizzie on Location

Getting Dirty in Phoenix | April 27, 2010

Phoenix.  The Valley of the Sun.

Sunrise just outside of Phoenix

This desert oasis was much needed after staying in a seedy hotel in west Texas.  On this stop I stayed with family friends whom I have known since childhood (AP, Dylan, and GJ.)  The drive into Phoenix is beautiful.  The red rocks of Tucson are stunning in the sunset.  The only thing to take away from the gorgeous landscape in southern AZ is the amount of police and border patrol that rolls around down there.  I mean there are cops everywhere!  And about every 1-2 miles there is a police car with a camera to catch speeders by film. As I had learned my lesson about mach speeds in the South West, I am sure there were no pics of my car taken!

Sunset 30 miles south of Phoenix

I arrived on Saturday, and my “cousin” as I like to refer to him, was already at the bar in Scottsdale.  Time to rally.

Scottsdale has a pretty impressive bar scene and my cousin and his friends were at least 3 sheets to the wind.  I quickly caught up to pace with the boys (or at least close enough) and started to then become the shot aggressor.  My dirtbag cousin loves Rumplemans.  I mean he loves the shit.  It might be one of the worst shots known to me and all of man kind.  So I suggest I buy him a shot.  He agrees.  So I buy Jameson (of course.) At this point I did not realize that my cousin is blacked out, clearly because there are two things he will not drink; Jameson and Tequila (another something I didn’t know about him.)  He shoots the Jameson.  Looks at me through now clouded over eyes and says “Getting Dirty.” He wipes his mouth with his sleeve and promptly begins the downward spiral into bad decision making.

I tell this story, because the next day we drank our hang overs away by going to his friends pool.  First jump in the pool I disregard the 5 feet deep sign and end up jamming my knee.  Two days later AP went in for knee surgery.  So much of the remainder of my trip was spent laid up on the couch talking shit with AP.  Laughing about our bum knees and our endless childhood stories of mischief.

To be honest, when I jumped in the pool it seemed like a great idea.  and it was.  It was also hilarious to watch.  And while that would be great to have a laugh over it, because I basically flopped into the pool.  No grace.  No poise.  Just me and the pool. It’s not nearly as funny as one could hope because I am pretty sure whenever I get health insurance and go to a doctor, we will find that I need knee surgery.  It just hasn’t felt good since.  But cie la vie!

The best part of the entire week was when AP’s mom came into town.  This woman has known me since I was a baby.  She is my mom’s best friend.  She has recently gone through chemo and has a couple great wigs.  They really look good on her too.  I can’t really remember why the boys thought to put them on, but they did.  And here are some of the best pics you will ever see.  In fact I am putting a “real” pic of them up with the “wig pic” or as I say AP’s senior pic from ’79.

AP in real life

AP's class portrait from '79

GJ in '010

Surfer? Hippie? Or regular old scumbag?

I must say, the biggest influence on my trip that my cousin had was to enter two new phrases into my lexicon.  Not that anyone cares, but it may give some background for future stories and why I said what I did.  AP likes to use the phrases “Getting Dirty” and “Scumbag” or “dirtbag” but mostly scumbag.

These are great phrases, we can all agree to that.  But its how he uses them that makes people confused.  For example, “getting dirty” can be used for anything that you are doing or going to do.  Like in this sentence “Ok, I am leaving for work now.” loosely translated it’s “Going to work.  Getting dirty.”  Or in a question and answer response: “Hey, what are you doing today?”

“Going to work.”

“Oh you’re getting dirty eh?”

See how that can confuse people?  He also uses scumbag a little more loosely than most people do.  But then, most people don’t recognize their own scumminess. lol


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To begin with, this is not for baby ears or the weak. By baby ears I mean people with sensitivity issues and the under 18 crowd. I am crass and if you are easily offended by my language and/or opinions and/or comments and/or behavior, you can get the fuck over yourself..... (sorry mom and anyone else who loves me but wishes my mouth was less filthy.)







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